Confessions · Reflection
i've seen hundreds of bodies
not metaphorically
not in passing
not through a screen
i've stood beside them
lifted them
dressed them
closed their eyes when they wouldn't stay
and every single time
there's this moment
where it hits you
how loud being alive actually is
the small things don't feel small anymore
breathing isn't automatic it's a privilege
warmth is a privilege
movement is a privilege
time is not something you have
it's something you're actively losing
no one looks at a body and thinks about emails
or followers
or whether they said the perfect thing
they think about what didn't get said
what didn't get done
who didn't get called back
being alive is not neutral
it's not the default setting
it's a temporary condition
and you are in it right now
so say it
go there
leave the job if it's killing you slowly
touch the people you love like you understand they're not permanent
because one day
you will be the quietest thing in the room
and nothing you meant to do
will matter more
than what you actually did
---
you might also read:
[phantom limb syndrome](/nerve-endings/phantom-limb-syndrome)
[Signed in Blood: Death, Deals and Industry Greed](/nerve-endings/signed-in-blood-death-deals-and-industry-greed)
[a lament](/nerve-endings/a-lament)